6 ways to stop feeling guilty
It’s so common to feel guilty whenever we think our actions (or inactions) are somehow negatively affecting others.
Women, immigrants and other marginalized groups are especially prone to feeling guilt because society has convinced us that we are indebted to others for our successes. So when we fall short of what we have set out to do, we tend to default to guilt.
Guilt can motivate us to rethink our actions to show up better so it’s not all bad. However, it’s when it lingers that makes it useless and debilitating.
Here are a few ways to get rid of feeling guilty.
1. Acknowledge your guilt
Rather than ignoring or spiraling it in, give it some attention. Why are you feeling guilty? Is it something that’s worthy of feeling bad about? Can you correct what you’ve done or is it out of your control? Once you are able to acknowledge it, it will be easier to address.
2. Own your actions
Second guessing and living with regret is not helpful. If you said or did something that might have upset someone, own up to it. Have a conversation and ask them how they really feel. It might not be as bad as you think it is. If appropriate, apologize and move on. This can prevent overthinking and feelings of resentment.
3. Define what’s enough for you
It’s easy to fall into the trap of not feeling like you’re doing enough. Whether it’s for your career, friends and family, or social good, you have to create limits because you can’t possibly do everything, for everyone, for every cause. Your benchmarks can change over time, but defining what’s enough for now will help protect your time and mental load.
4. Put things into perspective
We tend to hyper focus on negative experiences. Just look at how people gravitate towards tragic news and gloss over all the miraculous things that happen each day. If you can practice gratitude for the basic things you have in life, it might help make whatever you’re agonizing over seem less dire.
5. Focus on the positive things you do
It’s easy to focus on negative experiences as a coping mechanism to avoid further pain. Focusing on positive things that you do or have done can help counterbalance the negativity and alleviate anxieties that come with guilt. It can also motivate you to be more productive.
6. Have compassion for yourself
We’re all human. Everyone makes mistakes or will make decisions that others may not fully accept. Being kind to yourself will allow you to be a better person to others.
Feeling guilty happens to the best of us, but it can be pretty useless. If you’ve tried some of the actions above and are still unable to shake it, it might be helpful to reach out for help – whether from a therapist, mentor or coach. If that’s the case, see the last blog post on how to think about who might best fit your needs.
