3 Myths About Negotiations
Negotiating is one of the most essential skills for professional growth, yet 60% of women don’t do it, especially when it comes to salaries.
I mean… if I could get paid for the number of times women have said to me, “I suck at negotiating” I’d be sipping on Aperol Spritzes in Italy all summer instead of writing this newsletter.
Believe it or not, you negotiate daily and are probably pretty good at it. You do it with your friends, partner, children, and… yourself. Your alarm goes off, you’re negotiating whether to snooze or get up. For breakfast, you’re negotiating between yogurt and a bagel. You’re negotiating with your kids on how much TV they get. Or with your girlfriends on where to go for the next trip.
So why do people get weird about negotiating salaries? There’s so much — stemming from money beliefs, self-doubt, and worry but there are some common misconceptions about what negotiating really is, that hold people back from doing it.
Myth 1: Negotiating is being combative.
A lot of people associate negotiating with being aggressive. We often see lawyers portrayed as bulldogs or businessmen as cutthroat. And many of us 2nd-gen immigrants were taught to avoid being combative or confrontational to try and blend into American society. As women, we’ve been socialized to play nice and people-please to get what we want. These are obviously generalizations but could certainly contribute to why we avoid negotiations.
The reality is that negotiating is about identifying and effectively communicating your needs and goals. It’s doing the research to have facts and insights available to back up your needs. It’s listening to and understanding the other party’s needs, desires, and goals. When it’s done from a place of collaboration, both sides win.
Myth 2: A successful negotiation means it’s a win-all.
Most people think that winning a negotiation has to be a complete landslide and the other side loses all. This take-it-or-leave-it thinking creates a lot of pressure and could prevent decent outcomes. It could even dissuade people from negotiating at all. I’ll just take the offer.
If I’ve learned anything during my 15 years of corporate sales, getting C-level executives to sign off on multi-million dollar partnership deals — it’s that negotiating is not a singular moment. It’s a process.
It starts with being clear on your needs and goals and then doing the work, research, documentation, and relationship-building, to make it happen. It requires thoughtfulness, planning, and strategy. And most people dive head-first into a negotiation call with zero prep. It’s like betting it all at the roulette table, which usually doesn’t end well.
Myth 3: Negotiating is hard to do.
The belief that negotiating is inherently difficult is what prevents a lot of people from even doing it. You don’t “suck” at negotiating. You just didn’t prepare enough. And while it can be complex, negotiating is a skill anyone can learn. A lot of it is confidence and preparation. The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll be. And for many of us current or recovering people-pleasers, leveraging our emotional intelligence could make us be pretty solid at it.
Two things I’ll leave you with:
1. Last week, a client of mine secured a 75% salary increase from her previous job, with multiple job offers. She wrote, “Holy cow, this is what it feels like to be paid what I’m worth. It feels so good.” We’ll celebrate her success next week on LinkedIn and IG Live, stay tuned for details!
2. If you’re underpaid, asked to do additional work without more money, or want to negotiate 30%+ more for your salary, I have limited spots left for my 90-minute 1:1 Negotiations Strategy Sessions. I’m opening my calendar for 5 clients this month. I’ll take you through a proven negotiation strategy to prepare and land your big ask — to get paid your worth. Book directly here or reply to this email to learn more.
