Does speaking up make you want to throw up?
You’re not alone. It doesn’t come naturally to a lot of people.
In many ways, I was groomed to be in the background. I was often told to stay out of the way, not question my elders, and to cool it with my strong opinions, especially if I wanted to find a husband. LOL.
My parents were self-conscious about speaking up. They didn’t know English or much about navigating everyday systems as new immigrants. When I learned to read, I translated legal documents, contested parking tickets, and scheduled doctor’s appointments for them. I became their voice.
I didn’t make the connection then, but it could be why I studied communications at UC Berkeley, then went on to tech sales as the only Asian American woman on my teams for years. To strengthen that voice for my family and community.
Our society is obsessed with rewarding extroverts.
For better or worse, it’s true. People who speak up get noticed. Loud people (though not always right or have the best ideas) get attention.
In my corporate days, these were often white, upper-middle-class folks. They were brought up differently, with fewer limitations and more abundance in their thinking. They spoke loudly and had strong opinions. And were rewarded with promotions, raises, and invites into the inner circles of leadership.
So, until our culture can shift to giving more attention to introverted qualities, there are good reasons to speak up.
It creates visibility for upward mobility.
It breaks stereotypes that hold us back.
It builds confidence.
Here are some ways to start.
Your voice matters. You are at that company for a damn good reason! You are an expert. You were hired to be there. You have unique skills and experiences that set you apart. Knowing and believing this will give you a baseline of confidence to make your voice heard.
Prepare ahead of time. Go into your next meeting with ideas jotted down. Find the meeting agenda from your manager, HR, or team members. This will give you time to think about what to share or questions to ask.
Start small. Don’t over-commit. Start by talking in meetings once a week. Then make it more frequent once you get the hang of it.
Ask questions. If you are uncomfortable sharing ideas, asking questions is a good start. Remember, there are no stupid questions! Someone once said, “the only stupid question is the one you don’t ask.”
You get put on the spot.
Breath. The most effective way to control your heart rate is by taking a breath in and a slower breath out. This is totally acceptable! Do it a few times to regulate your nervous system and gather your thoughts.
Speak slowly. Rather than rushing through an answer, slowing down will help you show more confidence. Speaking too quickly might cause you to trip up on your words and thoughts, adding to the jitters.
Have set responses. So that you’re not caught off guard without anything to say, have responses ready in your back pocket. Some ideas:
Restate the question so that you are clear on what’s being asked
Say you don’t have the information right now but that you will by noon
Share a main takeaway from the conversation so far
Ask if you’ve answered the question to ensure you’re understood
Like anything else, it takes practice and a bit of courage.
The more you do this, the more natural it will become. And you will feel empowered to rise back up from being silenced.
And if you need coaching or accountability, let’s talk. My 12-week program, Clarity+Confidence, includes proven sales training designed to help you speak up so that you are no longer hanging out in the background, getting overlooked.
As always, I’m rooting for you.
